I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
