so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
