i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
this boner is exhausting
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She's the barista slut.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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