Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
