I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
