I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need water and some morals
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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