Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
