we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
