all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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