Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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