I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
