it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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