cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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