In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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