I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Are my feet made of real feet?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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