Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
