the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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