She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
