guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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