I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
