thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
