We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize