you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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