I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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