i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize