I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
