the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
