but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
