she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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