I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
