It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
