Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
