i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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