Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
