I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
