I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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