booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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