like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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