So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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