just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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