they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
