everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it was like eating out sand paper
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize