Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
