I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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