Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
