He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
