Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You took a bar mat shot.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
