I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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