Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Sober January is a disaster.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
