i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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