Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This is the high leading the old right now
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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