the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry about my life...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
