you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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