This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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