That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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