woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
