community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize