So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
