omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
