And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
