i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize