i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
