I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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