dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
