yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Houston, we have a blender
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
