don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
