I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
