hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
