Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize