So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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