3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I need help removing her.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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