apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
