Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
