I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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