The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
