Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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