Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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