If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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