Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
