Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
